I will Mr Carson, very much
by Chelsieobsessed1980
Summary: Here is another idea that appeared in my rather Chelsie-crazy mind. A famous "Don't tell me you'll miss me" conversation that happened in episode 6 of season 2. What if it had gone another way than it really did? Wouldn't it be a perfect moment to start the journey with our Chelsie, instead of waiting for it till the end of season five? Let's find out ;-)


I WILL MR CARSON, VERY MUCH

**Here is another idea that appeared in my rather Chelsie-crazy mind. A famous "Don't tell me you'll miss me" conversation that happened in episode 6 of season 2. What if it had gone another way than it really did? Wouldn't it be a perfect moment to start the journey with our Chelsie, instead of waiting for it till the end of season five? Let's find out ;-)**

**Legal Note: I still don't own the characters although I get a feeling that I know and understand their needs better than JF does ;-) There are like thousand other things that I should be doing right now, instead of dealing with those two, but well, they just won't let me...**

**If you like it please leave a review.**

What a relief it is to finally be able to sit down after another exhausting day. Carson felt that his age is becoming an important factor in his service. In his early years, he would have no problem with working hard all day and still being full of energy in the evening, but that was no longer possible.

He sat comfortably in his armchair and his thoughts drifted to the question that had occupied his mind constantly in the recent days- his moving to Haxby. The promise that he made to Lady Mary was beginning to be like a heavy burden in his mind and in his heart. Of course it was obvious that Lady Mary had a special place in his heart and that he was decided to protect her at any cost, especially considering the circumstances-after all she was marrying a man that he was not to keen on and didn't trust him, however the longer he was thinking about it, the more certain he was that he doesn't want to leave Downton Abbey. After so many years of faithful service to the earl and his family, he couldn't bear a thought that the only stable home he ever had won't be his home anymore. He always presumed that this is the place he will grow old in and this is the place that he will die in and his ghost will be still passing those corridors, long after he will be gone, remembering all those good days. The position that he obtained here was one of the kind and even though Haxby house was a magnificent estate as well, it certainly couldn't be compared to Abbey on any possible level. He knew that he will miss the whole family- kind and fair Lord Grantham, warm-heart and understanding Lady Grantham, their charming daughters and even Isis the dog, who often accompanied by during his busy days, (to Lord Grantham's dissatisfaction).

He would never admit it to anyone but himself, but he knew he would also miss the members of the downstairs staff- God knows that under his leadership they made quite a harmonious team, acting effectively day by day, devoted to one cause-the satisfaction of the Crawley family.

These were all the factors that made it really hard for him to make a decision about his departure, but there was one more-actually the most important one, that almost cause him to stay- Elsie May Hughes and his undying love for her. All those other combined were insignificant, comparing to the essence of his existence. When he was first asked to consider this offer, she was the first thing that came into his mind, that almost made him reject the proposition at once. To move out from Abbey? To live without Elsie Hughes by his side? Day after day, night after night without that sweet and tempting knowledge that she is just right there, next to him. Not to see her-her beautiful, sometimes mysterious smile, her cute little nose frowning in that special way, her full lips that he liked to look at so much-especially when she was biting her lower lip-which was her constant habit and it always caused that special feeling in him-she did that when she was angry or frustrated but sometimes when she did it, he couldn't help but wonder and dream what it would be like to see her doing it in a totally different situation-in the intimate situation. In his wildest dreams he couldn't vanish the thought from his mind-that she is biting her lip, trying to stop herself from screaming his name while they would..."Oh never mind you silly, old fool"-he said to himself-"you know that this will probably never happen, keep your dreams in the tightly shut box, properly, otherwise you won't be able to control it anymore." It was difficult to realize that there won't be any happy mornings without her sight, looking fresh and radiant when she left her room, there won't be mutual dining when they were talking and discussing the course of the day, there won't be any more of the delightful evenings with Sherry, when they were finally left alone and in peace and they could confide in one another of their joys and their concerns. Those were the beloved moments of his day, because only then he felt that she really belongs to him, only to him, that he can just for those brief times separate her from the rest of the world and have her all to himself. He was always hurting when they finished their drinks and said goodnight because it felt like he was again loosing her to rest of the world.

There was not a shadow of doubt in him that he was madly in love with her, although he wasn't able to confess it to her for many different reasons, he knew that it was something that ain't just going to go away because she will not be at his sight anymore. His love for her was to strong, to enormous to just go away. For the first time in his life he was hesitating if his devotion to Lady Mary will be able to outdo his love for Elsie. Few times his mind told him what he was repeating himself all life-duty first, but only few times, for the most of the time he was certain that there is nothing in this world, not even Lady Mary's happiness that can be more precious that his love for Elsie. He felt really torn.

At the same time Elsie was also fighting with the fatigue of the long and tiring day. She sat in the sofa of her sitting room and sighed deeply. She wanted to be alone that night and have a chance to struggle with her worries all by herself. Those days were really difficult for her, because aside of her usual housekeeper duties, she had to cope with the idea that soon Mr Carson will not be here anymore, here in the same house, under the same roof, with her. Yes. In her mind and in her dreams he was always with her. She loved him for so long, that she was no longer able to separate her dreams from the reality. Of course she have never (well almost never, to be exact), acted in any way towards him, suggesting that they might be something more than just colleagues and keepers of their secrets, but in her mind and in her heart they were together. She couldn't imagine how life will be without him here. Empty, sad life-days will be long and tiring, evenings will be cold and lonely without him by her side. Thinking about it she suddenly felt like a very old woman, tired with life, with her unfulfilling life. How will she live without seeing him every day? Without his face that she loved so much and wanted caress every time they were alone together, without his eyes that were revealing so much when he looked at her, even the things that he wanted to hide the most? Without his stiff lips, that she longed to kiss, without his deep voice that always made her feel so steady. She loved to her him talk, it was like a calming effect after a storm. His strong body and his broad chest-was like a rock, a solid rock that she could lean on if she needed. Of course, she didn't do it but subconsciously she always wanted to snuggle at him, to fell small and safe in his arms, so he could protect her from all the evil of this world. If only...If only he wasn't so devoted to Lady Mary. She knew that she was his favorite. It really didn't bother her that much. Until now. Now she almost felt like she lost some kind of a battle about Mr Carson's feelings, as silly it it might have been-but that's how she saw it. After all he decided to leave all that was so dear to his heart behind, just for this silly, young girl, who as Elsie presumed just wanted to married Richard Carlisle to get back at Matthew, because he was marrying Lavinia. Elsie could read into Lady Mary like an open book and she knew her motives better than Mr Carson did, although he would probably never agree with her about it. Elsie sighed again and her head fell down, two large tears formed in her eyes and she felt that her heart is truly aching at the thought that she will loose a man that she loved so endlessly. How will I manage without him? During all those years she found him to be an only reason to live. She loved to take care of him-to bring him coffee in the morning, before another day of hard work has begun, to butter his toast by the breakfast when he was busy with the conversation to the footmen, giving them clues about things, to help him find his glasses, when he needed them to check the wine list and on and on..Elsie sensed that the worst part about their parting will be lack of their mutual evenings together with Sherry, when they were so close, that you could almost feel the tension between them. Those were the moments when their eyes were devouring each other and it was really difficult to keep their hands from one another. She knew, don't ask how but she knew that he felt the same way she did-it was obvious. His body language couldn't lie that much. Unfortunately she was also aware that being the man that he is-the man of principles, for whom the duties were always first, he will never put her higher than Lady Mary, even if he loved her and wanted her he will never let his sentiments to take over him. "Unless...hmmm..."-she thought-"if I could just let him know how I feel, would it change his mind? But what if it won't?" It will bring a shame on her and she will never be able to look him in the eye, but in spite of that she decided that it was worth to try. After all she was always the one to push him forward, to encourage him to try new things, why this time would it be differently?

The next evening

She quietly stood in the doorstep of his room, glancing at him, as he was looking through the wine book. He looked so sad and worried that it made her heart melt. She entered his pantry, not waiting for the invitation from him. He raised his head up and his face immediately got lighten up when he saw her.

"Mrs Hughes..you are here. Please come in. Finally we can have a sip of Sherry together"

She came in, closed the door and stood by the table, as he also got up to pour the Sherry into the glasses. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked in the evening light and small gasp escaped his lips when he handed a glass to her.

"Were you checking the books again Mr Carson? Are they to your satisfactory?"

"They really look good. I'm not saying that it's legendary but it is nothing to be ashamed of"

"You've made your mind up then."

"I think so. Yes. I think I have, but with a heavy heart Mrs Hughes."

"And just when we thought we are getting back to normal"-she sighed heavily and before he could think what he was doing he said the words that changed everything...

"Don't tell me you'll miss me"-he said shyly, checking the look in her eyes when he said that, trying to find what he was looking for for so many years-the proof that she loves him too, that she wants him to stay...And so he got the proof the moment she answered him.

"I will Mr Carson, very much and it costs me nothing to say it"-she said in a low voice and the answer that he got, was an answer he needed to hear. He looked deeply in her eyes and he was reassured, he knew that she loves him as much as he knew he loved her.

"Mrs Hughes..Elsie..you want to tell me that..That you?..."

"I want to tell you that I don't want you to go. I want you to stay with me. Here. Forever, because I love you and I can't bear the thought of not being close to you every day. Please Charles..Stay. Stay with me.."-she pleaded but did it matter?

"Oh Elsie...I love you too...So much and so long. You have no idea how many times I wanted to say this to you, to confess the truth.."-his eyes began to feel humid and she saw that tears were running on his face as it did on hers.

"Charles...darling.."-she whispered and moved closer, she stood on her toes, so their faces would be on the same level and their lips finally met in long-standing desire to kiss. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her waist, whilst she wrapped her arms around his neck and their lips were connected in a gentle, loving touch. They've kissed each other so delicately, so slowly, like they wanted not only to caress their bodies, but also their souls. They had to stop, to catch a breathe but they were still hugging each other so tightly, like never wanted to be separate again.

"Elsie"-he whispered softly.."my love"-he moved his lips, kissing her forehead, her temple, her eyelids, her cheeks.."You are my world Elsie, my everything, I love you ever since I can remember. I thought that I will just die being separated with you."

"Charles"-she purred to his ear-"I love you so much ever since I can remember too. I have no reason to live without you honey. Please tell me that you won't leave me for her. For anybody...Ever..."

"I will not leave you love...Ever...I couldn't live without you...I will tell them tonight that I'm not going anywhere. I just want to be close to you my darling. As close as two people can be. We will never be apart from now on..."

They kissed again, snuggling even more than before, forgetting about the whole world, about everything. The only thing that existed in this moment were them, together- in the dim light of his pantry, kissing and confessing their mutual love to one another, over and over again while the walls of the Abbey were the only witnesses of their tremendous love.

**I know that I've borrowed some lines from JF but I hope he won't mind. I'm sure that if he knew how many Chelsie shippers the world gained within the series, he would have gone another way (there it is again-I can't even finish a thought without some Chelsie quote in my head ;-) )**

**Anyway I hope that you have enjoyed this little, another fluff of mine-please tell me what you think. Sorry for any language mistakes-English is not my first language.**


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